Friday, 10 June 2011

An interview with Sayfool

As the sodomy trial of Anwar gripped the nation, TV 99 managed to secure an interview with his accuser, Saiful who was anxious to dispel public doubts and reservations about his case. The interview was held in a posh condominium in 
an exclusive part of Kuala Lumpur. Also present was his Uncle Pet, an effeminate looking man with long hair tied into a pony tail. The spacious condominium with a spectacular view of the city looked luxuriouswith polished granite flooring, Persian rugs, dazzling crystal chandeliers and expensive Morocco style furniture with gold trimmings.

TV 99: Thank you for agreeing to be interviewed.
My, what a beautiful apartment. Is it yours?

Saiful: No, no. It belongs to a friend. I’m just borrowing it.

TV 99: (looking at the personal photos on thewall). I could almost mistake it as yours.Anyway, let’s get down to business. By the way,we will be recording this interview on video. Is that alright with you?

Saiful: No problem, I want everybody to see how genuine I am. Just make sure you broadcast it widely and distribute it to RTM, TV3, Astro and upload to Youtube.

TV 99: Was that incident on 26 June 2008 the first time that Anwar sodomized you?

Saiful: No! As I’ve said before, I’m been sodomized 8-9 times before. Poked here…poked there until I got fed up. There’s only so much sodomy a man can stand you know?

TV 99: Are you gay?

Saiful: (sounding offended) Of course not! I have a fiancée you know? We’re going to get married and start a family when this case blows over.

TV 99: Then why did you allow Anwar to sodomize you
so many times? This must be very disgusting for
you. Why didn’t you give him a punch and make a
police report the first time? You’re bigger and stronger than him.

Saiful: Well, he’s a very powerful person. He’s the opposition leader. I was scared of him and worried about losing my job.

TV 99: Your RM1000 a month job? What can an opposition leader do to you?

Saiful: (rolling hi eyes) Well, ummm…ummm…he can get me arrested and beaten up? Maybe he can get Special Branch to come after me? Maybe even have me locked up under the ISA?

TV 99: Come on now, Saiful. An opposition leader doesn’t have that power?

Saiful looked at Uncle Pet for help. Uncle Pet
leaned over and whispered in his ear.

Saifull: Of course you know, I was foolish and Anwar was my idol. I would do anything for him. When your idol asked you to bend over you would, right?

TV 99: So are you saying it was consensual?

Saiful: No! No! It was against my will. I swear it!

TV 99: You’ve already done so in a mosque. But your college mates say you hated Anwar’s guts.

Saiful: Oh no, I loved Anwar’s guts. I was a super-secret admirer.

TV 99: Normally a secret admirer doesn’t express the opposite but let’s leave that aside for the moment. Tell us what REALLY made you decide to go to the police after the last sodomy?

Saiful: Well, my Uncle Pet here gave me the strength and the inspiration. He said, “Saiful, look at you. You’re earning a miserable RM1000 a month. Imagine what you can have if you… (ouch!)”

Uncle Pet was seen giving Saiful a swift kick on the shin.

Saiful: What I mean to say is that I can’t stand being poked any more. The pain, the humiliation, the disgust. I feel so…violated!

TV 99: And so you decided to turn Anwar in. But what is this about you meeting Najib the Prime Minister at that time before you made your report?

Saiful: (sounding exasperated) This has already been explained many times. I was there to seek a scholarship and get his advice on my future career.

TV 99: You mean you could just drop in to see the Prime Minister at his house to ask for a scholarship and get career guidance advice? How many people can do that?

Saiful: Anybody. Najib is a very nice man. He is always ready to help. Anybody can knock on his door. Just try it if you don’t believe me.

TV 99: In fact we’ve been trying to get an interview with Najib for the past 6 months. But why do you need a scholarship when you’ve already dropped of college?

Saiful: Well, I was thinking of going back to study but I didn’t complete my course so I know it will be hard to qualify for a scholarship. Then I thought “Hey, I’ll drop in and see Najib.
He’s the Prime Minister, maybe he can help”.

TV 99: It was also reported that you met a senior
officer, SAC Rodwan at room 619 of the Concorde Hotel
Shah Alam before you made a report.

Saiful: I was just seeking his advice on police procedure before I made my police report. I have to know what was going to happen.

TV 99: But why meet in a hotel room? Why not in a police station?

Saiful: Are you crazy? This is Malaysia. A witness can go into the MACC office and go out from the window. Some go into a police station and come out in a body bag.

TV 99: To be precise, you met SAC Rodwan on 25 June, a day before the alleged sodomy which was on 26 June.

Saiful: So what? I know I was going to be sodomized again. I was just getting ready.

TV 99: So why didn’t you set a trap for Anwar with video recording and police bursting into the room to catch him red handed? I’m surprised a police officer didn’t advice you to set a trap.

Saiful: Yeah but I didn’t want to waste public money. Najib said the country should save money.

TV 99: OK, let’s talk about the day you made the police report on the 28 June. Why did it take you 2 days after the alleged act to make a report? Haven’t you already decided to report Anwar after meeting SAC Rodwan?

Saiful: Well, I was embarrassed and humiliated about going public. I was also traumatized by it so I thought it over for a couple of days.

TV 99: But you were smiling and waving to the press after your police report.

Saiful: That was just for the TV cameras. I wanted to look handsome.

TV 99: You also went to work the next day and attended a PKR function at Anwar’s house in the evening where Anwar was also present.

Saiful: I had to keep myself busy to take my mind off the traumatic incident.

TV 99: Why did you send a friendly e-mail to Anwar to resign after he had allegedly sodomized you leaving you embarrassed, humiliated and traumatized?

Saiful: He was still my employer. I don’t want to burn my bridges. Maybe I may need a reference from him in future.

TV 99: Why did you seek a medical examination at Pusrawi Hospital instead of going straight to the police?

Saiful: I thought I should get a medical report that my ass was violated to bolster my case.

TV 99: But the doctor reported he found no signs of penetration.

Saiful: That stupid foreign doctor! He doesn’t know how things work in Malaysia. When you look into a hole you have to close one eye right? He should have closed one eye when he checked my hole.

TV 99: So you went to a government hospital, GHKL to make a police report and the police sent you for a medical examination by three specialists. It was widely reported that the report also came out negative.

Saiful: Aahhh…that is for me to know and for you to wonder. That medical report is still secret. Anwar’s lawyers tried to get it but the court refused. Heh! Heh!

TV 99: Why not just release the report if it will support your case?

Saiful: I’ll leave it to my lawyers.

TV 99: The prosecution claimed to have a DNA sample extracted from your rectum which implicates Anwar. How was that possible after 2 days?

Saiful: It’s possible because I didn’t shit for 2 days.

TV 99: How did you manage to do it?

Saiful: It was tough but I had to do it. I ate as little as possible and didn’t allow myself to shit no matter what.

TV 99: This doesn’t tally with medical knowledge. When the anal sphincter is loosened a person finds it hard to control his bowel movement.Practicing gays have to go to the toilet when they feel like it.

Saiful: Mine was loose but not that loose.

TV 99: Wouldn’t it be easier to just go to the police immediately?

Saiful: Are you saying I’m lying?

At this moment, Uncle Pet interjected “Look,
different people have different amount of shit.
Some need to shit everyday, some every 2 days
and some every 3 days. Understand?” This was
intoned slowly like a profound revelation.

TV 99: Understood. You’re full of... Never mind. At the trial a tube of KY jelly was submitted as evidence. Didn’t you wash the KY jelly from your…err…asshole?

Saiful: I can’t wash away crucial evidence.

TV 99: So you didn’t shit and you didn’t wash your butt just to preserve the crucial evidence to nail Anwar. What an effort it must have been compared to just going to the police.

Saiful: Yes, I deserve a medal for my effort. Next question please.

TV 99: Look, we very much like to help you prove your case. Will you submit yourself to an independent medical panel arranged by us to check for anal penetration?

Saiful: What!? How dare you. My asshole is my private affair. I don’t reveal it to anybody calling himself a doctor. Get out! Get out of my house or I’ll say you sodomized me.

Sensing the interview was over the team quickly packed their gear and made a quick exit with Saiful and his Uncle Pet hurling abuses at them

Credited to Bini X Nasib(kawan aku kat FB)

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